Survival.

My most humiliating experience

What is the most humiliating experience you have had in your life time? Well, mine was actually dangerous,,,,,so they say. So this is how it went down.

This summer, I went to the academy for the first time of my life. Yes. I traveled alone in the city. Now how cool is that?! Anyways, the day of my lovely incident, I decided to go home early to get some sleep after my academy was over. I was out of my T-money, so I had to use the subway. (T-money is a traffic pass in Korea that you can use for any transportation.) The subway was not crowded at all, something I expected and and was not surprise by. However, I did not expect any of the upcoming events that was soon to hit me in the face, hard. As soon as I got in the subway, I grabbed a sit in middle of the carton. There were some elders sleeping, listening to music, but soon realized I was the only teenager there. Things were okay, and I was studying my vocabulary when all of a sudden, the door slide open and there stood The. High school. Gangster. Girls. OH MY GOD.......O_O

As they scanned through the carton and landed on me, I. Was. Terrified.

One of the leader said, “hey get the black one.” ….................I heard that......ANYWAYS I knew something was going to happen and I had to act fast. When they genuinely glided across the carton towards me, with that infamous smirk plastered across their face, I was scared. With that in mind, I pretended to be asleep. Then I had a better idea and so I asked myself. How bad could they be? Evil enough to hurt a handicap?! Yes..........i did my famous eye twitching, head blobbing mental laugh right there at that moment. Screw pride. Screw beauty. Safety was first. Lucky enough, one of them said, “f@!#$.......she's screwed up... lets go”......................PAWNED! YES I DID IT! I was just so happy I saved my 50 dollars I got it from my dad that day, I was literally crying. Then a sudden realization hit me. HARD....AGAIN... After the girls left the carton, all the adults were laughing at my way. Right at that moment, I couldn't describe how embarrassed and humiliated I was right there, sitting in middle of the carton by myself. So, I decided to get off at the next stop and walk rest of the way home, thinking what the hell just happened to me.  

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Most amazing and memorable events that happened to me? This summer in Korea. I experienced something new but most of all, I've met a lot of new people. Out of the bunch, only two stayed in my mind the most. Her name is Hyein and his name is Min Que. Hyein the obnoxiously talkative and loud girl who has a bubbly personality with the most beautiful smile I have ever seen and the total opposite, Min Que, the most quiet and charismatic boy who was very difficult to start a friendship with. Let me expose,,,,i mean introduce them to you guys a bit.

Let us start with the obnoxious one. Too loud, too noisy, so many freckles, tiny eyes, Cleopatra hairstyle, southern accent, constantly hyper girl from South Carolina is probably the girl who has the biggest smile I've ever seen my entire life. Very outgoing and a bubbly personality to die for, she will make you laugh when you don't even want to crack a smile. Although she may not be the quiet person in the world, she is one of those people who will be there for you whenever you need a that special someone.

Next comes Que. Quiet, handsome, distant, charismatic, athletic,very shy, but understanding and accepting you for who you are, Min Que is the perfect boyfriend material any girl could ask for. “Turkey boy” is his nickname because he grew up in Southern Oregon, right next to the turkey farm house. I'm not saying he's poor, in fact, he lives in a huge mansion and has his own personal jet plane....how richer can you get?.........is richer even a word?!

Anyways, Que will be here this winter break which I am sooo ciked about and will see Hyein this summer~I wish you guys could meet them in person because they are just that fantastic!  

How to Let Someone Go

After spending what might seem like a lifetime with someone you love, you may come to the realization that there are many reasons that you have to let him/her go. There are various reasons to let someone go, and we all know that, it is very painful and sometimes difficult to commit that action. It might have been caused by the breakup of a relationship, the death of a loved one, or perhaps, letting go of your friends as they go off to their own separate paths. Life as you have known it will no longer be the same. Letting go of a life as you have known it, and accepting the changes that come with it, is difficult and can at times, be quite painful. Many people become really depressed and social outcasts and in some cases, this leads to suicide. However each of us needs to face having to Let Someone Go at some time in our lifetime.

For instance, on dealing with bad breakups, the first step is always very difficult. You must forget about your ex. In order to do this, first, delete any text messages and get rid of pictures, presents, and whatever it might be that will bring back your memory of your ex. Second, ask for help from your best friends of the same gender. They are the best source of advice for dealing with bad breakups. For girls, get your girlfriends together to have a sleepover, eat junk food, watch movies (never romance), gossip about boys all night long, and cry your heart out during that time (crying is optional). For guys, get your best buddies out for couple of drinks at the bar. If you are underage, grab a coke or sprite-whatever you prefer-and “pretend” it is alcohol and get your emotions out to your friends.

If you are dealing with the death of a loved one, letting go may be a bit more difficult than in a break up because generally, you will have known the person longer and will have stronger bonds with him or her. There is a four step process one goes through when losing a loved one. First, most people start out in denial that the actual incident occurred. The next step in this process is anger and resentment. You may blame yourself or those around you for the incident. The third step in this process is sadness. You may go into a short termed depression. The final step in this process is acceptance when the bereaved person accepts what happened and let’s go of the deceived loved one slowly. Dealing with death of a loved one may require some therapy sessions. It may not be a bad idea to get help from professionals in cases like this.

When you and your classmates go on your separate paths, you may experience some anxiety. It may even be difficult saying goodbye to those you despise. You will probably miss your classmates a lot, and in some cases, may go into a short termed depression. Letting go of your friends is less difficult to deal with than letting go of family members or exes. Today we have the technology to stay connected with our friends even if they are scattered around the blog. We can use facebook, email and our cell phones to keep each other updated. Even with this technology, however, you won’t be able to carry on your day to day friendship exactly the same way. You will especially miss those who you spend the most amount of time with. The best way to let go of a good friend and move on is to open yourself up to others who are presently close to you. Reaching out into the community and making new friends is a great way to let go of an old friend. Perhaps later in life, you and your old friend can meet up again, but the best way to let go of a friend is really just to let them go on her/his own path and make new friends.

As you can see, there are many real life situations in which you must let go of a person at some time in our life. Dealing with bad breakups, letting go of your loved ones, saying goodbye to friends, and processing other losses is always difficult. If you know how to deal with these situations correctly, you can get through it without spending your entire piggy bank on the therapy sessions or wasting perfectly clean Kleenex on a beautiful Friday night.

ALBUS DUMBLEDORE

Dumble~dore!

Albus Dumbledore, one of the most complex and master planed figure in the legendary book of Harry Potter, plays a very important character role in Harry's life. He also sketch brilliant plan of Harry's safety from Lord Voldemort throughout the 7 series of the novel. Sacrificing his own life by asking Snape to kill him for the sake of Harry's protection, Albus Dumbledore is truly my brave literary hero. Unlike other literary books, Harry Potter serves great enthusiasm with different and whole new scale of imagination. Dumbledore is a very respected character in the Wizarding world, who is also a headmaster at Hogwarts..

Daring

Unstoppable

Master

Brave

Luminous

Enclosed

Dicipline

Order of Phoenix

Responsible

Enchantment

My Hero

"Who is your role model" This is the question parent or sometimes really obnoxious moms ask their children or their friend's children when they are young. And you should give them the right answer of satisfaction in order to eat dinner....or that was just me. So, I often answered, "my mom!" or "my dad!". But to be honest, I said that to eat favorite part of my meal in the entire day, the dinner. I'm just joking. I am not saying they are off my role model list in my life book, but rather, I would like to add someone to that chapter. Whenever my e-mails me or calls me from Korea, he use Oprah Winfrey as a perfect example of a strong and successful business woman who dealt with many hardship in her life. And I absolutely  agree100% with my dad here. She was nominated in the list of 100 most powerful women in the 21st century and has helped and shared a lot of very unfortunate people with unbelievable amounts of money and love. She was the first ever black woman to open up a talk show become very successful at it. Therefore, she is also one of my ideal role models. But there is someone whom I support and admire very much. Ellen DeGeneres, Emmi-winning talk-show host and also the first female talk show host to proudly announce that she is gay. She faced eight years of rejection from the media and faced many struggles in her life but she is now announced in one of the most powerful women in the 21st century. Ellen DeGeneres not only bring happiness to people's lives but bring hope as well. She donates 30% to the charities from her talk show, "The Ellen DeGeneres Show". She loves helping the unfortunate people and shares soooo much love that she would literally give them 30000 dollars and a brand new car if in need. I love her to bits and my dream is to meet her one day before I die. One episode I watched from you tube amazed me so much where she helped out a family of six, a single mom and her five children who lost all of their properties from hurricane Katrina and is living with their grandparents house down in Louisiana. Ellen gave them a surprise visit and offered them a brand new car, a 30000 dollars and a trip to California where Ellen's studio is located at to give them a grand tour of her studio. She is just a sweet sweet person who loves sharing and caring about human race and I too would like to grow up to be just like her. Ellen DeGeneres is my number one hero.

My Ideal Place

Hrm...what would be the most idea place/perfect society for us to live in? What can we write if we can't write about all those lovely fictional places to live in but some realistic place of pain, suffer, and death? Does that even make sense?...........wtf? Anyways, if i had to choose my place of utopia, and has to be on this island, then I am already satisfied enough. I have nothing more to ask for and nothing to loose. Well,,, maybe some addition of hot guys would make my life much better. But that again....is just my hope...and ambers....and svahns...and...every other single ladies out there. TEEHEE. I'm pretty sure all the guys would say the exact same thing. Those eyeless bastards. I am perfectly happy with my life at the moment, and can pretty much relate my life style to my ideal place of utopia....not quite there..but ALMOST there.....except maybe the exception of solving math, solving critical reading/writing, mom's nagging, stress, boy problems, and most of all,,,something that all girls can relate to.....oh my god...Mr. Lee winking at you. OH.MY.GOD. Every single time,,,,,is that too small? EVERY SINGLE TIME Mr.Lee and I have this "magical" moment of pause and stare at each other, I try my best not to lower my eyes so I could feel some kind of pride in myself that I have won the battle against Mr. Lee's starring contest. But NO. He just has to wink and make me look away to do that gagging notion. Now I truly worship Michael Stewart, a champion and a hero in my book who had the courage and bravery to wink at Mr. Lee first before he had the chance to wink at him. Damn....he's got balls man. Anyways, enough with the balls, I wouldn't want any other place of Utopia besides Saipan. I know that deep inside,  when all of my friends move out to collage to pursue their dreams in the future, they will all one day come back to this tiny island and bring back all those memories we shared together in our high school years. We may complain about this tiny island at this moment, how there is nothing to do, no special place to go, and no hotties walking around garapan with sluttish clothes on, but in the end, when we are all immature, and needs a break from our life, we will think of this place more often than we might want to. So folks! Follow the Nickey slogan! "Just do it!" It might be illegal tomorrow!

Stupid judges........

Updating on my life is a bit....harsh at the moment. It is in fact, it is very frustrating. Just this Friday night, I had my very first Lincoln Douglas Debate over at Calvary Christian Academy. LD is a short term for the debate. Anyways, a topic is given and the debaters have to prepare both of the opposite sides of a debate; the pros and cons. This October/November topic was whether or not a state should possess nuclear weapons. I normally truly slack off on these debates but really get my head in the game during the regional but this time around, someone...I am not going to say it's the same girl that I wrote about manners....triggered or really fired me up on this round. I wanted to do my absolute best and show her what I am capable of and what I can do better than her. But unfortunately, I won two sets of rounds and lost one. Its not because I wasn't good on the other round; in fact, I was soooooo confident that I won all three sets. I could even swear this to the God up in the sky.

In Saipan, there are only certain number of limited qualified judges on the island, therefore, each school has to bring a judge by the number of debaters competing for that round. Unfortunately, I got the crappy ass judge. How crappy ass was he? Well, he was talking on the phone in the first place during my rebuttal, not even listening to me or even looking at me the whole time. How do I know if he wasn't listening? Because he was frickin humming a song the whole frikin time!!!!!

Not only that, but I found out that he was one of the parent from the same school that my opponent was going to. Which makes it sooooo obvious that no matter how hard, or how convincing I was, the crappy ass judge was going to give the victory to my opponent, who was going to the school, the judge's children are going to. Because that school is just THAT FAMOUS FOR THOSE KIND OF PEOPLE.

I am sorry if I am offending any “people” but this is my blog and this is the place where I could write down how I truly feel at the moment. Basically it is where I relieve my stresses in my life. Gosh......I am soooo pissed........you don't even know how angry I was when I got my results back. But I've learned that this is how the given situation is and I need to get over it and accept the fact in a positive light.....

Where's your manner?

Manners......its a common sense which every people SHOULD have by the age of 17. That's right. When someone waves at you with a smiley face in an attempt to start a "friendship" you don't just shake your head side by side. There's a reason why God gave you hands... I know it takes A LOT of energy just to bring your hand up 5 inches to wave them but its called "MANNERS". And YES I'm being sarcastic.
This morning, I went to take my subject test at the college, and there I met some unpleasant people. But in an attempt to be a "nice person" and since we knew each other, I decided to wave at them with a smiley face.Not a single one of them waved back at me. While all my fellow SIS members are taking the SAT 1 test, I was the only loner surrounded by bunch of weird people from a weird school. <--- (note how it's singular) taking the SAT 2. Then there's this one girl, whom I really "tried" to make friendship with, but I just can tell that she doesn't want to. So, in the end, I decided to fuck her. She thinks so so high up there above everybody else with that ugly face of hers plastered with arrogance. I mean, I acknowledge her hard works. Sometimes, I even tell myself that there's something I can learn from her. She manages to participate in bazzilion creative activities and manages to stay at the top notch. But everything is not about studying, studying, and studying. Socialism plays a huge role in our life and if she thinks nobody is good for her, I'd like to see her crushed face when she meets whole bunch of others, standing at her level in college.
So that was my bitchiness complain of this morning. And hopefully she will read this and realize, "Oh I need to stop being a bitch and raise my hand to wave back at those who waves at me with a smiley face."

...death?

Where would you like to die? What would you be doing and why?

Death....such a depressing word to think about. Although, each people view death in a different perspectives. If you asked any gay, wealthy man who seems to have everything he needs in life, and you could see the happiness radiating from his face, death may be an unwelcoming visit. 

But on the other hand, a suffering patient who is fighting with the pain 24 hrs from severe disease or illness would welcome death at any moment. I often pondered about where and how I want to die in the future. (Hopefully not so soon).

But If I was given a choice where I could pick one place to die, I honestly think I wouldn't mind as long as my body gets buried in Korea, where all my families are. Saipan would be my second choice if Korea got invaded by the Northern people, but that is not most likely going to happen while I'm still alive....hopefully. I wouldn't want to die due to lack of oxygen or suffer from any physical pain for a long period of time. And No, I do not want mental pain either.

One possible death that I would be able to tolerate or handle would be death by old age. Although I do not want all those nasty diseases that old people get. I want to face a simple clean death like my grandpa and die with the one whom I love next to me to hold me tight.

Like I said before, I wouldn't mind where I die, just as long as I am buried in my home country.

I Have Lived a Thousand Years

"But for me the platform was full. It was brimming wis disarray of sights, hundreds upon hundreds, a bleeding of dead and dying. I saw Greco, the fifteen-year-old Greek boy with enormous, feverish eyes, begging for water. I saw Lilli, the sixteen-year-old brunette with her leg blown off, sitting in a pool of blood. I heard Martha, blinded in both eyes, calling to her mother. And Beth, and Irene...ageless faces, skeletal limbs filled the gray, translucent mist." -I Have Lived A Thousand Years (Page 10)

I believe this is one of the truly greatest Holocaust book written in history, next to Diary of Anne Frank. Once I started reading this book, I couldn't stop reading. And even after finishing the book, I was unable to get the contents, images, and characters off of my mind. “I have lived a thousand years” by Livia Bitton-Jackson is truly the saddest and touching book that brings us back to the history of Holocaust.

An autobiography of a 13 years old Jewish girl who was imprisoned in the death camp at Auschwitz describes her horrible experience and intensity of her life, and how she survived miraculously through the fates of the Holocaust. Through her story, I've realized that people in this world need to stop and listen to the stories that must be told and not just hide it and run away from what had happened and incident like this should NEVER be repeated in the history again.

Although this book may not be qualified as a high school reading level, nevertheless this book caught my attention, giving the readers a much deeper understanding of how the Jews were treated in different concentration camps. The story haunted me to think what humans are capable of doing to another human being but in contrast, this book showed how some people can stay strong despite the harsh conditions they are in. It showed hope within humanity and courage amongst the weak.

I would strongly recommend “I have lived a thousand years”, an easy book to take things off of your mind and be reminded once again of the conditions you are in.

Born from the dead?

Born again from the dead? If I can bring anybody from the dead, I would bring this character back to life and give him a chance to live again. This character may not be exactly human, but a special character whom I would like to give a second shot at. The one and only Gregory Samsa. He is a fictional character from the novella, Metamorphosis but his tragic way of life triggered me to give him a second shot of his life again.

From the beginning of the novella, Gregory Samsa wakes up as a “hideous monster” and gets rejected by every single members of his family. I could see that he is trying his best not to harm others by hiding himself in his room, a total selfless act one can do to for his family, but his family just neglects him and continues on with their life without paying attention to their so called, “son”. If Gregory Samsa could be back from the dead, I would acknowledge his concern and at least be there for him, to listen to his concerns or talk to him about anything in particular.

Throughout the story, I felt that if there was at least someone whom he can communicate or associate with, he would have been off much better, and not come out of his room to get hit by an apple. Gregory's death seemed unfair and that life itself was unfair. People seemed to be too focused on certain stereotypes that a little change in the appearance would make that person an outsider. If I could serve dinner to Gregory Samsa for a night, I would provide him with rotten foods, whatever he feels satisfied eating for the night. I would be happy just to fill his stomach so he could have a good night rest with a full stomach.

If I could bring someone from the dead, it would be Gregory Samsa, and serve him his favorite foods to satisfy his hunger, something that he couldn't fulfill in the story, Metamorphosis.

"Don't be scared.....you're safe with....me."

Hey guys! Since it is October~~~~~ and Halloween in couple of days~~~~~
I wrote a short, kinda "scary" story......so....here ya go...its my first time writing this genre >_<
~~~


I was running away from the voices. Running away from the dark and protecting myself in the light. The light seems to fade away every time I set my foot in them, making me run once again. The voices are following me, haunting me. They are screaming out in pain, crying out for help.

I woke up once again from the nightmare with sweat trickling down my forehead and tried to control my jagged breathing. Everytime, i have that nightmare, it feels so fresh and real. The pain was indescribable as if an actual blade was slicing my fresh flesh. Just when the pain reaches it's peak, it stops. Everything stops. I've asked for help from having this nightmare every single night, wake up gasping for air and suffering the same pain over again. But they never take me seriously. All they could conclude is that I am losing my mind or becoming "mentally ill".

 I looked down at my shaking hands and as I scanned through my room,my alarm clock was beeping loudly next to my desk. As I began to get out of my bed, I felt a cold hand covering my mouth. My whole body froze. I used all my strength to to get away from the grip but it seemed impossible.

"Why hello there, Sasha. How are you?"

It seemed as if his slicky dark voice could kill any living creature. I couldn't move as if my whole body was paralyzed with his single touch. "You can't run now, can you? There's no where to hide. How does it feel to get caught?"

I tried to scream again but no sound came out. I tried to get way, but his grip was too tight. "Do you know the voices Sasha? You will be one of them.....soon."

I tried to hit him with my fist backwards, but I couldn't feel anything. "Don't be scared......you're safe with...me."

Then, I realized my eyes were slowly closing. i tried to pull then apart but they wouldn't stay open. Then the darkness consumed me. I couldn't feel, hear, or see anything. Then all of a sudden, I felt water trickling down my face. I looked up and there he was pouring clear liquid down upon me. in a split second, I felt my skin burn. I was screaming for help, running away from anything or everything around me. I stumbled upon something and fell down. I knew I wasn't dead. but wasn't sure if I was alive either. then, I felt it. hands roaming my body.

"She's lucky she's alive Mrs. Smith. Do you know why she was crossing the street?"

"No. she was screaming and running around everywhere. I didn't know what to do. I was scared and when I saw her getting hit by that car, i didn't know what to do."

I could hear my mom's voice explaining it to the doctors.

"I know this is hard for you Mrs. Smith, but this is not the first time, Sasha came in unconscious. We need you to sign this paper to place her in the mental hospital, getting special help. Do it for your daughter..." A long silence filled the cold dead room before she reponded. "Give me that form."

My heart sank as I heard the pen scratching her signature. Then she brushed my hair away from my face. "Its going to be all right Sasha. I'll see you soon baby."

Then she left. Just like that. I tried to take everything into a possitive aspect. Maybe i need help after all. This might take away my nightmares. I slowly closed my eyes in realization of final comfort when I heard the doctor speak.

"Take a deep rest Sasha. Don't be scared....you're safe with...me."

I opened my eyes and there he was, staring straight back at me. I began to scream and tried to jump away from the bed, but he pushed me back. I tried to run again, but it was too late. I could feel the liquid entering my vein system and darkness swallowed me.

Dating +

A perfect guide for your first date

Every couple gets overly excited for dates - especially their first.  Boys may not fuss as much, but girls spend endless hours on their appearance, debating whether or not they should wear a skimpy outfit or a flowery sundress to accentuate their looks. They experience spaz attacks every five seconds, beginning exactly fifteen minutes before show time. They continuously talk and walk around in circles, asking questions such as, “How do I look?” expecting the constant answer of “You look absolutely beautiful.”  So to all of the guys out there who just asked a special little lady out on her first date, make sure you follow these lucky seven steps in order to make the best impression.


1) Dress nicely (crocs/suspenders/knee length socks do not fall under the category of “nice”)
2) Take a shower (it’s pretty nasty when you smell like a bulldog and it would not impress her)
3) Don’t swear (it will not impress her and she will think you’re a wimp with a potty mouth)
4) Don't mention world of war craft (girls want professional boyfriends, not professional gamers. Besides, she’ll think you’re a nerd)
5) Don’t cancel at the last minute (unless you saw her picture on Facebook and only if it was a blind date)
6) Take some time to know about your partner (don’t talk about yourself non-stop. You may not be that cool than you think)
7) PAY. (it will not impress the girl when you ask her to pay for dinner.....)

Bye my love, hello u.....

Hey guys.....whoever is reading my blog....I am terribly sorry that i haven't been updating my story "Summer of Possibilities." I'm in middle of a writers block and I just changed my laptop which doesn't have microsoft word so it will have to wait until I somehow download them from the internet.....someday..
Anyways, today I would like to "tell" you guys about the new laptop which the U.S government provided us with. It sucks the rock. Even though the screen is a touch screen, the size itself is so small it literally hurts my eyes whenever I'm done playing tetris from Facebook. I'm just joking. Not the game itself but after I'm done working on my "school stuff", I have to scroll up the screen page because the whole background won't fit IN the monitor itself. Okay...is it only me, or can you understand what I'm typing here?....
Oh, in case you guys haven't noticed, I am a non native speaker....meaning my grammar sucks peeeep.
Yeah...I can't cuss because my teacher checks my blog every once in a while...He'll probably read this but it's okay. I am soooooooooooooooo frustrated! Not only that, but my internet won't even connect to my house server. What is this MADNESS?!?!?!?!?! I know I typed in the right password, but it just won't connect!
One of the reasons that stopped me from writing "Summer of Possibilities" is because my new laptop doesn't have microsoft word. Instead, it has "Office Opener". <--- WHAT IS THIS?! This is madness i tell you. I bet it is some kind of remake of microsoft word but a crappy version of it, or "wanna be microsoft". I truly honestly don't know. Another huge part is my writers block. I just can't seem to think of any ideas that I want the story to go to. I know how it should end and all, but the process of going there is quite difficult. I honestly didn't know writing a short novel could be this......much! Now i absolutely admire any kind of authors out there (a passionate one that is) who puts in their time and effort into their story.
So Summer of Possibilities will be coming out sooner or later!

Chapter 4

A piece of folder was slid across the table so Avery could easily reach it. she opened the profile and there was her target staring straight back at her. She felt chills running down her spine as she stood erect in middle of the room.

“Ms. Maeder, you’ve come a long way. This case is about proving yourself to me whether you could move on to the next level by completing this task smoothly. Your task is very simple: kill Berkley Osack. Russian born but naturalized into U.S citizen 3 years ago, CEO of Delta Corporation, one of the leading businesses across the globe, and her product is progressing extremely quickly in this country; maybe its progressing too quickly we are afraid. She holds a very high ability and power in this country and she has been rumored to possess an access to nuclear weapon, a possible threat to this country.”

Avery scanned the portfolio as she listened, absorbing the information at the same time. This was her very first assassin task. She was trained to kill people. She got the highest score on weapon handling and practice enough times on mannequins to enhance her confident in pulling that trigger. Although, shooting mannequins were not the same as shooting real people. She knew this was going to be difficult and it’s going to be her first time to prove her skill to him that she was capable of handling tasks like this.

“Yes sir, when should I start?” there was a hint of hesitation in her voice but she managed to hide it well.

“Ms. Maeder, your target is already on the move.”

----------------------------------------------

Avery was very confident in carrying out this mission. She was waiting for this moment from the very beginning and she would not blow this up by making a stupid little mistake. She would have to check her steps thoroughly and precisely as if Tom’s life is depended on it.

On her walk back to her office, she had a quick flashback of Tom’s face. She missed him so terribly and it broke her into thousand pieces when she thought about what she did to him. The instant she joined CIA, she tried to get far away from Tom as possible. She blocked, deleted, any contact from him for his own safety. She heard the rumors that the entire secret force member’s families were either mysteriously missing or killed ‘in action’. She loved Tom and was so grateful for him that she promised herself nothing would hurt him because of her.

She was distracted from her thought when someone clicked his fingers together in front of her face. It was none other than Laurence Lachowski, her partner in crime. When she meant ‘partner in crime’, she literally meant the phrase. They would always partner up together as a pair whenever a task was given and end up with the top scores.

Laurence possess what every men wish for. With a gorgeous figure of 5’ 11”, thick rich curly brown hair, olive skin and deep green eyes. He has a toned body and was the hottest man most women had ever seen… until he opened his mouth. 

Since then, she grew up living with Tom and worked at his place. He was the best fatherly figure she always hoped for and was always very grateful towards him. Avery developed both mentally and physically as she tried her best in everything she did, always thinking of ways to make Tom happy.

Tom send her to school and raised her just like a good father who would raise his own child. She managed to graduate as a valedictorian from one of the most prestigious college on her own through scholarship and was offered to join CIA at her graduation.

Nobody knew, including herself at that moment, when she decided to take that offer, she was being pulled into the black hole, where once joined, joined for life. Once she signed the document, she was assigned to the secret force and started her training since that day on. Despite the hard and cruel training, she managed to stay on the top, completing her task with the best grade in both physical and mental training.

Back to the presence, she slump her body as she walked across the hallway towards the main office. The way to the office was dimly lit and she could see self portraits of presidents staring down at her. She had chills every time she passed this hallway, as if they were staring at her walking down the corridor. As she held her id card against the entrance door and scanned her eye, for self assurance, the door slid sideways announcing her arrival. She could see her boss dimly sitting down on the big black cushioned chair across the room facing the window away from her. The setting sun cast his form into just a dark shadows from where she was standing. 

“Did wanted to see me?” Avery asked in a very professional manner.

“Yes, I have a new assignment for you Ms. Maeder.” Avery felt very uncomfortable as she heard his dark husky voice projecting across the room. As the chair spun around and came face to face with her boss, Avery straightened her form once again.  

“Your very first assassin case.”

Chapter 3

 “Avery Maeder report immediately to the main office please.” World’s most loud and obnoxious voice came out from the speaker above the lounging area in the department of Central Intelligence Agency.

Avery rolled her eyes as soon as she heard Miss. Pusum yelling at her through the microphone telling her instructions. This poor lady was over 50 years old but was still single.  Avery suggested couple of physical appearance tips but in return, she got a hard beautiful and firm slap across the face. Avery seriously thought if she could take off those rainbow color glasses of hers, and put some makeup on her face, she could guarantee a boyfriend in less than a week. But if she loves her rainbow glasses of hers so much, there’s nothing more Avery could say.

It has been 11 years since Avery decided to run away from the foster house and face the world by herself. She went around everywhere, hoping for a job that offers to little kids, but it was impossible as she was still 11 years old. She was about to return to her foster house and face the severe punishment that was waiting for her when she stopped by in a very old electronic shop that was looking for an employer.

“Hello? Anybody here?” Avery’s soft baby voice woke the old man who was sleeping in his armchair behind the counter.

“What can I help you young lady?” the old man replied with curiosity in his tone, stretching his limp body to wake up to the world once again.

“I saw the sign that was up on the door and was wondering if I could possibly get the job, sir.”

The old man was staring down at this little weak girl, wearing dirty damp clothes who seems to have not eaten any food for 5 days. He felt terribly bad for this little girl going around this dangerous city looking for a job.

“Where are your parents?”

“I don’t have any parent. I grew up in a foster house with nuns all my life.”

“Do they know you are here?”

“No, I ran away.”

“Look kid, it is very dangerous out there for a little girl like you to be going around in this dark hour. Why don’t you go back to your foster house kid?”

“I can’t sir.”

The old man felt sorry for the girl. But he well knew he couldn’t use her in any way to help him with the business. She reminded him of his daughter who died of child leukemia 2 years ago. He loved her very much and it pained him to see a girl, just like his daughter living a miserable life.

“Well, congratulations you just got your very first job missy. What’s your name?”

A wide smile spread across her delinquent face as she heard his acceptance.

“My name is Avery Maeder, sir”

“Well Avery, my name is Tom and welcome to Tom’s best electronics”

July 28^th 1999

My best friend was adopted two hours ago. My best friend who was here with me since the beginning is now gone.  I have nobody now.  Sister Charlotte told me that I, too, will soon be adopted into a “lovely” family, but I can’t find a way to believe her.

Kids with families of their own love birthdays; I dread them.  Every time my birthday comes around I feel so empty and useless.  I know every year the possibility of me getting adopted gets smaller. Nobody wants eleven-year-old kids. They all prefer newborns or cute three-year-olds.  I want a family that will say ‘I love you’ to me any given moment, and a mom and dad who will tuck me in at night and kiss my forehead before I fall asleep.

I know I should be happy for my best friend, but at the moment I can’t. Maybe it’s jealousy.  Maybe I’m desperate for something that I just can’t get…  Maybe someday, I can be adapted to a “lovely” family too…just maybe.

______________

“Sister Charlotte, can you help me please?” Avery pleaded for the thirtieth time since that morning, hoping Sister Charlotte could give her at least a glance towards her direction.

The little girl was on the verge of giving up until finally Sister Charlotte turned her body around to the little blond girl beneath her, “Avery, can’t you see I’m busy my dear? Please give me some time to help other children who need me at the moment. I will come back to you later. Patience is a virtue.”

After that, Sister Charlotte once again turned her back against her.

Sister Charlotte truthfully wasn’t doing anything. She was just annoyed with Avery’s infamous curious questions about the world.  All the nuns (including Sister Charlotte) tried to avoid her and her questions at all costs.

Avery could see all this through her tiny and beautiful honey eyes as she stood there alone in middle of the passageway.  She once again felt abandoned.  By now it was no surprise to her; she was used to this feeling. Avery thought it was her against the world and she felt like nobody.  Frustration boiled inside the little girl as she gritted her little teeth and held her hands in tight fists. She was so fed up by the lack of interest she got from the nuns and her so called “friends” that she made the unwise decision to get away from the place right there on that spot.

Little did little Avery know that it would be that moment that would set into motion the rest of her life.

Eyes blazing, the Captain looked at her watch and her attention once again fell upon Avery’s body. After she took quick notes in her black leather notebook, she stood up from her chair.

An awkward silence filled the room once again and the two of them gave Avery one last glance before they left the lifeless room to give her some quiet rest. As the door closed ever so gently behind them, a small crystal tear slid down Avery’s pale face like a glittering jewel. Her colorless lips moved slowly and painfully under her oxygen mask.

“Brayden,” Avery breathed.

Chapter 2

Another sunny day appeared, bringing many smiles upon peoples’ faces.  However, Brayden kept his face of indifference on the entire time on his way to see Avery. Deep inside, he knew that it wasn't his fault how all this happened, but he could not get it across in his head.

As he entered the hospital room, the same Avery he loved so much was lying on the bed. He swiftly crossed the room towards the bed where she lay motionlessly as if the world had stopped, but only in this room. He pulled the chair from underneath the bed but saw something peeping out of the cupboard in the far end of the corner where Avery’s belongings were stacked up. He gently pulled out the black leather notebook that he soon recognized as a diary. He knew he shouldn’t be violating her personal privacy but curiosity over took his morals.

He slowly walked towards the window with the diary and looked at his own reflection. A tall, well built handsome boy was staring straight back at him. His painful grey-blue eyes were searching for comfort. Brayden stared back at his own reflection in disbelief. His once smooth, think and rich honey colored hair was now covering his eyes like a curtain, as if trying to cover him up from the world. He turned around to be greeted by Avery’s lifeless body.

As he saw a stream of sunlight reflecting off of the window, shining brightly  on Avery’s form, it reminded him of the first time he had spend his summer with her the year before. He gazed towards the book in his hand and to the window once again as he opened the first chapter of Avery’s life and let her memories flood into him.

“Hi. Is this Avery Maeder’s room?” the brunette sounded regretful and frightened as she quickly scanned Avery’s bandaged body on the bed. The nurse soon realized who she was.

“Yes. How can I help you?”

“Hello, I am Captain Elizabeth O’pry, I came here by government order to check Ms. Maeder’s condition and report updates under the federal protection.”

The brunette stated, staring at the bed, “May I come in?”

“Yes, I’m sorry. Please, take a seat.” The nurse gently pulled out another chair for her to sit on.

Elizabeth walked swiftly across the room and sat across the nurse, her vision never leaving Avery’s lifeless body. There was an awkward silence in the air and the nurse finally decided to break it.

“Captain, may I ask you a question?”

“Please, call me Elizabeth. Of course.”

The nurse shifted in her chair uncomfortably as she opened her mouth to speak.

“You…..you are not going to remove the mask, are you?”  the nurse's voice was filled with tactful pain - the thought of killing the poor girl bothered her.

The brunette stared back at the nurse in a shocked manner, soaking in her question. “Of course not! What made you think such a thing?” At her reply, the nurse let out sigh of relief.

“I overheard doctors discussing the removal of the tube because she was in coma for such a long time. The possibility of her waking up is very slim and it is awfully expensive to keep circulating her with the oxygen mask.”

The brunette at her in a blank manner as she considered the information she had just heard from the nurse.

“I will absolutely not tolerate such an act under my command. She is under the government protection and we will make sure she will be protected under federal law. If any doctor tries to kill her by any means, they would have to go against the government.”

Summer of Possibilities

Chapter 1

How is she?” the middle aged nurse asked, dragging her overworked body through the door. Her grey hair, once tied in a tight bun, was now barely holding her hair loosely in place.

“Not too good,” the doctor shook his head sadly at the girl lying on the nearby bed. “The boy just left a minute ago.”  Her whole body was bandaged up like a mummy; the only recognizable feature was her face, half covered by an oxygen mask, “The poor girl…she’s better off dead than alive.”

“The boy blames all this on himself,” the nurse whispered quietly, adjusting the bed cover. “I can see a trace of tears every time he leaves her. He’s pleading the girl for forgiveness, asking her to wake up, begging me for an answer that she can make it. I can see that he's losing it.”

“There’s not that much time left,” the doctor said gently, taking her by the arm, “It wouldn’t be good if you get too attached to her…she’s bound to die soon, and you know it.”

“Don’t say that!” the nurse snapped.  Her tired eyes sprang to life, anger clearly visible in them.

“You know it’s the truth. There’s a limit to what we can do at this point, you were there. We tried our best. It’s all up to her now whether she decides to come back or not. But it has been almost a year. She’s been holding on for too long now, the possibility of her waking up is almost,” he paused, and a melacholy quiet filled the air,“None.”

But the nurse was not listening. She was looking at the girl lying so soundlessly on the bed. “I wonder if it is the boy that’s keeping her alive at this point,” the nurse whispered to herself as she sat down on the chair next to the bed.

The doctor shook his head, sighed once again and left the room, leaving her all alone with the girl.

While adjusting the mask, she wondered that maybe the doctor was right. Maybe it was best not to get too close. But something about the girl attracted her attention.

“You must have been very pretty without all of these bandages covering you up,” she whispered, pulling strands of hair off the girl’s face.

The monitor besides the girl beeped ever so slowly, giving the nurse chills. She analyzed the name tag next to the monitor. “Avery Maeder….it’s a very nice name…Avery.” The nurse smoothed out the bed covers and once again turned around to leave when the door opened ever so gently, and a tall brunette girl walked in. The expression covering her face was pitiful and sad. 

WTF.?

In Korea this summer, I encountered a lot of “interesting, weird, wtf?” people out there. In means of w.t.f,,,,,I literally mean w.t.f. You’ll probably say “wtf” while reading my story, at the end of my story and even after the story is over. You’ll be pondering about this moment of my life through your sleep.…. or maybe not.


So, this is how my wonderful “wtf” story began. One charming charismatic evening, my cousins and I decided to go out for shopping since we were bored out of our minds. Well, not technically, because I actually had to beg them to take me out. Back to the story! It was on a Friday night, so we decided to take the subway instead of taking the car.

The compartments were packed with so many people, that we actually had to skip two consecutive trains that were coming in and out. Finally, when it seemed a bit spacious, the 3 of us made a hurry entrance to the far end corner of the compartment. My 2 cousins were speaking in English about their jobs while I was on the phone with my friend from the academy.

Then out of nowhere, this drunken man comes up to me and asks if he could use my cell phone. I’M ON THE PHONE HERE! IN MIDDLE OF A CONVERSATION! Besides, I really REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY DIDN’T want to let him use my cell phone so I started to speak to my friend on the other line in English, telling her not to hang up because there was a drunken man besides me, asking to use my cell phone.

I guess I talked with my friend for good 10 minutes and when decided to hang up, I glanced besides me and saw the man glaring at me. Yea, it was CREEPY ASS…….so my friend already hanged up on me and I was on my own, trying to think of ways to save my cell phone, when all of a sudden, he starts yelling at me. YEA. WTF?!?!?!??!!??!?!?!?! WHAT DID I DO TO YOU??, YOU DOUCHBAG?!?!??!

I couldn’t pretend to actually remember the exact words that this guy said, but it was something like how I degraded his personal moral him by speaking in English and how I should speak Korean because I’m Korean.…………….yea; W.T.F.

So when our destination finally arrived, I got off the train and yelled at him when the door was closing on his face. “If your God damn jealous; LEARN HOW TO SPEAK ENGLISH YOU BASTARD!!!!” He gave me that puzzled look and I poked my tongue out to meet his expression. Although, I fulfilled my satisfaction at that moment, my life was hanging by a thread that second because the door swung open. And that’s when I decided to scream and run, “WTF?!?!??!!”

Korean mama ep.2

Okay, I finally decided to finish my episode of Korean moms in today’s blog. In this entry, I analyzed about Korean moms. I believe some of the entries here will apply to all moms but I’m narrowing the focus only towards “Korean moms”.

When I was in Korea, I rode buses or underground subway for my transportation. One thing I realized about Korean moms is that, anywhere or anytime, there’s always at least one Korean mama reading her bible. NOBODY loves Jesus more than Korean moms; well, maybe besides black moms. And “kee-doh-ha-ja” is ALWAYS the answer to every problem on earth.

Korean moms are very sensitive about their skins. As Amy would say, “In Azia, Bronze is a very agly colour skins.” They would spend so much money on anti-aging face cream or “whitening” cream. They believe in albinos, seriously; they are so obsess with being white. People say Asians are yellow. But in my opinion, when you compare Milin with Kai,,,,,I’ll say Milin is the white one and Kai is the yellow one. (no hard feelings here man.)

Most typical hardcore Asian parents have this in common. They don’t like to see their kids having their “free time”. They would create additional homework for the kids because five hours worth of homework is not nearly enough. No wonder if you think about the word “nerd”, an image of dorky Asian kid with glasses would pop in your head.

Korean moms LOVE to bargain. They would bargain at anything, anywhere, at anytime. If something’s worth 2 dollars, they WILL LOWER the price into 1 dollar or less. They would NEVER buy anything in one stop either. Their motto is to go around every store, looking for the save object for a cheaper price. One of the common phrase you’ll hear most frequently from them is, “Unni/oppa, jom gak ga jo~~”

Korean moms love to pay for dinner when they’re out with a guest. After a peaceful dinner, Korean moms would “go to the bathroom” to pay the check or have a full on argument in middle of the restaurant. While they body tackle and wrestle to get the check away from each other, the kids and the dads would just sit as still as they can keeping their mouth shut.

Did I mention Korean moms love to give you food more than you can possibly eat? It’s called disrespect when you leave one piece of rice in the bowl. They would wrap the food whenever you visit their house for dinner to take it home with you. Even though you decline and don’t want to eat it because it tastes bad, they’ll just think your being modest.

SCREAMING names even though they are 3ft away; either to take out the trash, to answer the phone or to eat dinner. I don’t get why they do that. Your daughter/son’s like RIGHT THERE. One time, while I was walking to the bus station, I could hear Korean mom yelling to his son to take out the trash. WTF?! I’m literally 20ft away from their apartment and I could hear it clearly.

Last but not least, whenever they are stuck, sick, happy, surprised, angry, or whatever, they will always use this two words. “Aigoh” and “Uhmanah”.

You gotta love them!!!!!!!!

Korean mamas and their golf wear

Due to the game of “Greed” we played the other day during Pre-calculus, the “losers” have to write a blog while the “winners” have a day off. Through this lesson, Mr. Lee emphasized how important it is NOT to gamble…..okey, so the point is made, I learned my lesson and all I need to do now is to finish writing this blog containing 500 words.

How was my blog about Korean moms? I’m pretty sure you are confused if you are not Korean. So ask one of your Korean friends to translate it “out loud” for you. Now, on to my next episode, I remember telling you guys about a sneak peek that the setting is going to take place in Gangnam, Seoul. But I changed my mind. Instead, I am going to write about Korean mums and their golf wear. Yes….the ridiculous golf wear that you will soon hear, and it is based on true facts.

Whenever I go out to play golf, I have this group of ladies whom I play golf with. Well technically, they are not ladies but they like it whenever I call them one (all Korean moms do). You all know Saipan weather, it is hot, humid, dry, and nasty. Imagine yourself covered in cloth, playing a sport. Yea, I know, pretty crazy unless you want to get a heat stroke. However, there’s only one type of group who can perform this magical impossibility. That’s right: our Korean mamas! They are the group that makes us question about the world and prove to us the meaning behind “Nothing is impossible”.

Have you ever seen a group of Korean ladies at the golf course? Here, let me paint the picture for you. It’s 100 degrees outside, and there is no wind; not even a single breeze. Our Korean mamas would wear anything to help them avoid the sun. My definition of “avoid” goes way beyond sunscreen, sunglasses and a hat. They would wear long pants, long sleeve shirt with their collar popped up, gloves on both hands. Trust me, they are not for the “extra grip”, but to make sure the hands don’t come out like Oreos. They would also wear the giant visor (and I mean a “GIANT” visor), sunglasses that cover the top half of their face, a mask that covers up their bottom half, and about 10 pounds of sunscreen/makeup on their face. Okay, let’s zoom out the camera a little bit; visualize the full picture in your head. If Obama saw this, I’m pretty sure he would send his marines thinking our Korean moms were terrorists. (Mr. Tessen: “Whoa~how cool is that?!”)

You literally can’t see and clarify who they are. And when you pass them, staring so hard, trying to figure out who they are, they scold at you for not bowing 90degrees to greet them. WTF?! But the funny thing is that amongst them, they know exactly who is who. Now, how the heck do they do THAT. Trust me, if you line up 5 ladies exactly the same shape and height as my mom, dressed in their golf wear, even YOU wouldn’t be able to find my Korean mama.

Although, my irony in this whole story is that, even though they work so hard to cover themselves against the sun’s radiating glare, they are still black. God bless their hearts.

Korean moms

What comes to your mind when you hear the word, “Korean mama”? Well, let me tell you what I think all Korean moms have in common. They all love to gossip. Yes. Not just any kind of gossip, they take it to the next level. Which level am I talking about? When the story starts off with a boy scraping his girlfriend’s arm, the story wraps with a murder case. That’s right, they are THE PROS. One day, you are alive, the next day, you are dead. If you mess up with one of them, you are basically messing up with the whole pack. This summer, when I was in Korea, I encountered quite a few funny incidents. Here, let me draw you a lovely picture in your mind.


There I was, in a gym, riding my bicycle, when all of a sudden two Korean moms come in and start the show. First, they would scan through the crowd with their squinty small eyes. Then, one would whisper to the other one and that’s when you know that they caught their prey for the night. They would go to the stretching corner and stretch for like 2 minutes and do their “sit down stretching”. Cycling section was right besides the “stretching corner” so I was able to hear their conversation. Hey, I wasn’t eavesdropping; they were just God damn loud.

So I’m just casually doing my exercise when I hear their conversation. First, their tone starts off very small, and then it gets louder as they get excited. First, I didn’t quite understand what they were talking about, because they were speaking Konglish. Yes, you know what I mean, Mr. Lee. The Magical combination of using Korean and English in a same sentence. Maybe they wanted to brag about their one-on-one tutoring English skills? Probably. That would stay forever a mystery. When I stared towards the victim following their sight, I saw a young chubby lady, maybe around her mid 20s or so, who had pink thong underwear pulled up above her low Britney Spears baggy pants. One lady turned to the other one and said, quote “Jeu yeu ja THONG nuh-moo SHOW euh. FAT sa-ram THONG WEAR ha-myun DISGUSTING yi- yeah.”

I think I repeated that phrase over in my head probably hundreds of times and finally got it when they were about to leave after their “exercising” so they call. Quote, “ TODAY eun-dong ah-joo FUN haet-saw, nan HOUSE gal-saw nam-peun FOOD hae jo yea dae.” And the ladies left without a single hesitation, their bottles lying visibly on the counter. And so I thought to myself, what a wonderful world…..

I’ll be back tomorrow with another funny episode of mine that I had in Korea so, stay tune! And yes, this is from my own, true experience. To show you guys a little glimpse of my next story, the event takes place in Gangnam, where 98% of the female population carries either fake or real Louis Vuitton bag. Yea. No kidding.

Stupid Questions

You know when you’re young, your teachers will always say stuff like, "Don't be afraid to ask, there's no such thing as a stupid question."......................................That’s retarded. Who thought of that? Of course there's such thing as a stupid question. People should not be promoting these dumb questions.


The other day, I was feeling very nice and bored so I agreed to babysit my mom’s friend’s kids for the night while they go out to celebrate the mom’s birthday. One thing I didn’t realized was the death threat that I was about to face very soon. I thought I had to babysit only two kids for the night, but that was just my very wild birthday wish. Guess what?! The girl was having a SLUMBER PARTY!!! Yea. A freaken S.L.U.M.B.E.R. P.A.R.T.Y. and I had no idea about the whole show. I had to babysit 17 of them through the night.

When the clock birds announced that it was 9o’clock, which means putting the little buggers to sleep, I was more than thrilled to finish my job. I told the kids to go to bed and of course they wouldn’t listen. So I literally had to chase around yelling at them to go to bed for God’s sake. In that moment of heat, I slipped on God know what and fell awkwardly on my hand. So I’m like a Dram Queen okay? So after I fell down, I yelled, “ahhh my wrist!” trying to make it obvious that I was in pain. But I guess these little beggars didn’t really “catch on” that I was in pain because one of them came up to me and asked, “Is something wrong?”……………………….. “No No! Nothing’s wrong, I just like to randomly lie down on the floor and cry out in pain.” So this Einstein over here finally figured out that I was hurt and was like, “Oh, I’ll get you some icepack.” So I was like, “………………thanks.” But you know, stuff like this, should be automatic. When someone’s in pain, they don’t have time to answer your dumb questions. You should be already thinking how to help them out.

Another type of questions that bothers me is when someone asks, "what for?" Haven't you ever asked someone to use something and they respond by saying, "what for?" Like the other day, I forgot to bring my pencil case so I asked my friend if I can borrow a pencil. Then he gave me that obnoxious question, “what for?” …………….. “I’m going to harass people with the pencil. I’m going to use the pencil, to harass people. Isn’t that what you use pencil for?”

So next time your teacher goes, “Okay children, rise up your hand and ask questions, there’s no such thing as a stupid question.” Rise up your hand and ask, “Hey, how come there’s no such thing as a stupid question?”